The AFA Blog

What Should We Call the Oil Spill?

by Merry Armentrout

The Gulf Oil Crisis hits close to home for me- literally.  As I'm writing this blog, I'm perched on my parent's back porch overlooking the Gulf of Mexico in Orange Beach, Alabama.  I've sat in this same spot every summer for 15 years.  Many people have enjoyed this view with me- my family, friends, ex-boyfriends, sorority sisters, my husband, my in-laws.  This trip I sit alone.  The view looks no different than it did on April 19th, 2010- the day before a fire and explosion caused a drilling rig to collapse, leaking millions of gallons of oil into the Gulf.  Today, there's no evidence on the beach of the disaster taking place in the ocean. 

I went for a walk on the beach this morning, expecting to see something, but couldn't find any tar balls, which is one of the first signs that the oil sheen is getting closer to shore.  I walked past the same man who sets up his fishing poles every morning, on the same spot, and nodded hello.  I noticed the same heron hovering near the fisherman, in  hopes of getting breakfast.  From the outside,everything looks the same, but it feels very different.

During my morning stroll, a woman told me a beach patrol officer just warned her not to walk in the water.  I decided to take my chances. I wanted to see if the bottoms of my feed would have residual oil like the families who I talked to last night on the boardwalk.  My feet were oil-free as I made my way back to the condo, but I noticed a bucket with a special cleaning agent specifically for oil next to the community hose used to rinse our feet of sand. These are the subtle differences.

I didn't know what to expect when I first arrived at the beach.  As I dragged my suitcase (and two dogs) into the elevator, I noticed a posted sign warning people not to touch oil or oil-soaked wildlife.  My family and I went to dinner last night, and to our surprise, there was no waiting list.  This might seem like a good thing, but it's not.  Locals rely on the bustling summer months to get them through the year, so the oil spill couldn't have happened at a worse time.  There's a sense of despair here.  It's no longer "if", but "when".  Volunteers set up huge tents near the public beach where dozens of workers deploy booms in hopes of protecting sensitive waterways.  Marine specialists spend their time cleaning oil off wildlife- the local news reported this morning more than 600 birds, and nearly 300 sea turtles have been killed by the massive slick.

It's hard for me to imagine.  Gallons of oil gush into the Gulf every day, every hour, every minute.  It makes me angry, sad, frustrated, but most of all, helpless.  With these emotions comes the desire to find out who's to blame.  So who is to blame?

I had lunch with one of my friends last week, and started talking about "The Gulf Oil Spill".  He raised his eyebrows and asked, "Why are you calling it the Gulf Oil Spill?  The Gulf didn't cause the oil spill- BP did.  We should be calling it the BP Oil Spill."

People, including the media, are referring to this oil spill in different variations. I've heard Gulf Oil Spill, BP Oil Spill, Deepwater Horizon Oil Spill, Gulf Coast Crisis, Crisis in the Gulf of Mexico...so to whom does this oil spill belong?

Everyone.  We're all to blame.  If we're going to point fingers, we need to be fair.  BP definitely deserves the majority of the blame.  It was their malfunctioning drilling equipment which failed us all, but in reality, they're supplying OUR demand.  The government always shoulders blame in some fashion.  Yesterday, I saw a plane fly over the beach, pulling a banner which said it was time for Obama to step up.  The Republicans are saying Obama is to blame, the Democrats are pointing back at the GOP.  When I turn on the news all I hear is blame.  I want to hear solutions. 

We've pointed fingers at BP, blamed the administration, but what about ourselves?  The Deepwater Horizon rig was drilling in the Gulf of Mexico to fulfill our growing reliance on oil.  Instead of focusing on finding someone or something to blame, let's put our energy into stopping the spill, and then making sure we never find ourselves in this situation again.

I'm not a mother.  I hope to one day be.  I'm afraid my children will still be cleaning up the aftermath of this oil spill.  BP says the drilling on the first relief well well won't be ready until the end of August.  U.S. weather forecasters confirmed that some of the oil leaking from BP's well has lingered beneath the surface rather than rising to the top.  Undersea oil depletes the water's oxygen and threatens marine life.

I might feel helpless-we might feel helpless, but we're not.  EPA's website has a number of ways you can help the Gulf Coast, and if you're interested in wildlife preservation go to The National Wildlife Federation's website.  

I love coming to the Gulf Coast.  It's my second home.  I hope to someday sit on the back porch with my children, enjoying the view.  I know right now it's a "when", not "if" for the oil to reach the shoreline.  I know it's also a "when", not "if" for the affected communities, along with a concerned nation, to come together in support.  Let's call this oil spill what it really is...a time step up and help out.

Pictures provided by MArmentrout

Sex and the City 2. Part Deux. AFA Style.

by Corey Whelan

My girl Merry was right!  Two and a half hours is just not enough.  No, I'm talking about Sex and the City 2.  Man, how I missed those girls!  That TV show got me through some rough Friday nights and especially, one really rotten eventually to be divorced New Year's Eve.  The Computer Guru to the Stars wouldn't go with me, he said we could rent both movies back to back and watch them all day.  That's ok.  Bob went to the midnight show without Ken and told him the theatre was filled with women and gay men. I guess Arizona and New York have one thing in common.

So look.  If you are thinking about seeing this movie and you're not sure you want to buck the crowds?  Here's the deal.

If you're thinking about surrogacy?  Go see this movie.

Grappling with the concept of child free living?  Go.

In a marriage that feels, well, not so much?  Please go.

My dear girlfriends.  If you struggled to get pregnant for years and now can't stand to hear the baby crying?  And crying...And still crying.  I beg you to go.  Now.  Take a sip, then a gulp, and go.

Did you think motherhood would be enough?  And maybe it is and maybe it isn't?  Go.

Dealing with menopause?  Grab a tweezer and go.

Do you like watching really hunky men splashing around in pools? (sigh). Please do go. Immediately.  Then meet me for a martini. 

Don't know what to wear to a gay wedding?  Don't know if it's PC to say gay wedding?  If you go you will know.

Did you think she should have married Aidan?  You must go.

Did you cry when she married Big?  And yes, his real name is John.  Guess what you should do.

Do you love New York?  (If you don't, please unsubscribe from this blog and thank you.)

Any Liza Minnelli fans? You get the picture.

Look, it's Memorial Day weekend.  The AFA will get back to serious on Tuesday.  I promise.  

But for now?

Hear me roar.

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AFP Photo

It’s Your Body; Know It to Own It

Please meet the newest member of The AFA blogger team, UK based Lisa Marsh.  A prolific writer and life coach, Lisa has supported countless men and women through their infertility journey.  We  look forward to learning from her unique perspectives on life, sex, conception, and every other little thing she can think of, from across the pond.  Her full bio appears below.  

by Lisa Marsh

How well do you know your body and the way it functions? In my work, as well as in casual conversation, I have come across women who are surprisingly uninformed or strangely misinformed about their reproductive health and distinguishing their reproductive organs from nearby neighbours. I understand that this situation may have developed because of a lack of openness in your childhood home about the “private parts” of your body.  However, if you are trying to conceive, whether naturally or through fertility treatment, there is no excuse for allowing it to remain that way. You need the knowledge in order to make appropriate decision about health, sex and pregnancy.  Additionally, if you are fortunate to have a daughter, you can become the expert in your home so she knows to bring her questions to you.

 

If you have no idea what the reproductive part of your female anatomy looks like, now is the time. Choose your timing carefully for privacy, grab a hand mirror and have a look “down there.” While we all have the same “equipment,” it’s just like noses, eyes, lips and ears; each woman’s external reproductive anatomy has individual characteristics. In the UK, the kids call this area your "bits." When I was a kid, I called it my wee-wee. My son calls it a front-bottom. Oprah coined a new term, calling it a vajayjay, and there are countless other nicknames.

 

Women often refer to the entire area between their legs and below their pubic bone as their vagina. More accurately, the vagina is only part of the larger area know as the vulva.  Knowing what’s there will only help your hygiene, your sex life and your understanding of conception and childbirth.  All you have to do is Google the word "vulva" if you need some extra help figuring out what is what.

 

When you are standing naked, looking down at your body, you may just see your pubic hair that covers your mons pubis; the fleshy bit about the size of your cupped hand, directly above the vulva.  If you don’t have a perfectly flat tummy, stand in front of a full-length mirror.  When your feet are spread shoulder-width, you may or may not be able to see anything else.  However, sometimes a woman’s outer and/or inner vaginal lips will protrude and be visible when looking at her straight on.  Pubic hair varies enormously from one woman to another, ranging from short and curly, to dark, light, straight, thin, wiry, limited to the mons pubis and outer lips or spreading up the belly in a line to the belly button and/or down the inner thighs.  As I said, we come in different shapes and sizes; there is no one example of "normal."

 

If you can, sit on a chair or bed and spread your legs, using a hand mirror to identify:

 

• the outer lips of the vagina, which have pubic hair;
• the softer, smoother, thinner, inner vaginal lips;
• the clitoris at the top;
• the urethra; and the
• Vaginal opening.

 

While I hope that your sex education class in junior high covered this already, you may not have paid attention, so determined were you to disappear under your desk from embarrassment. It’s hard to believe but, many girls make it to womanhood without knowing that they urinate from the urethra, which is protected by the vaginal lips, but is not inside your vagina itself.  You don't urinate from the same orifice in which you insert your tampon. The urethra has a tiny opening. Then there's the clitoris, which is small and hides at the top of the vulva, protected by outer layers. When the clitoris is stimulated, it feels like the nerve centre of your entire body, creating an orgasm, through sexual intercourse or other form of friction. 

 

We women are so good at multi-tasking that we were given one reproductive organ which does multiple jobs: the vagina.  It’s the 4 – 6 inch canal which accepts the penis into the female body during sexual intercourse, allows menstrual blood and cervical fluid to leave the body and when fully dilated, the passage through which your baby enters the outside world. Whether you are trying to conceive or just want to distinguish reproductive from non-reproductive, bodily functions, it’s vital to know that:

 

• your urethra passes liquid waste in the form of urine;
• your vagina passes several different bodily products, such as blood and tissue from the lining of your uterus, slippery cervical fluid near your ovulation, lubricating fluids produced by sexual stimulation and amniotic fluid when you are starting or during labour; and
• Your rectum passes solid waste as a bowel movement.

 

By knowing what these bodily functions are and how they should look and feel, a change to any of them may be a sign that you need to see your doctor for a check-up. 

 

Have you ever seen a painting or read a book in which a woman’s sex organs are likened to a flower blossoming?  When a woman is sexually stimulated, blood and naturally occurring lubricant make the vaginal lips swell, part and moisten, which may remind you of the petals of a flower like a rose or lily.  Countless artists have used it to symbolize the image of femininity and sexuality; none more famously than Georgia O'Keefe, a 20th century painter who lived in New Mexico. 

 

Women are sometimes made to feel embarrassed or ashamed of their sexual anatomy.  It may have started while caught playing doctor with the neighbourhood kids or when they first got their period and were made to feel that that area was dirty. In some religions, women have to be cleansed in a ritual bath after they menstruate, before they can sleep with their husbands again.  Men can also contribute to a woman’s negative thinking by using derogatory nicknames for her female sexual anatomy. It's not acceptable, as far as I am concerned. That's now, but as a young woman, I didn't have the confidence to refute those bullying words. Call it what you like, whether it's in the archaic, Latin terms, the modern, medical definitions or a nickname of your own. You don't have to buy into degrading, dismissive or crude slang.

 

If you are undergoing medical tests or treatment to help you conceive, you may be examined way more often than you had ever imagined, in a clinical atmosphere.  Doctors poke and prod and insert speculums and scanning wands, nurses walk in and out and medical students follow their senior consultants around. You may need invasive procedures to extract eggs or implant embryos. You may need surgical procedures to open up fallopian tubes or remove scar tissue or fibroid cysts. You may be asked questions about how often you and your partner have sex, and endure having your romantic lovemaking or passionate sex life discussed as a prescription: appointments on the calendar. Keep that flower image instead.

 

Create self-care rituals that are positive and feel-good; including cleansing of the vaginal area, trimming or waxing pubic hair and wearing special lingerie that makes you feel special or sexy.  A woman’s body is beautiful and something to feel proud about.  Take care of it.

 

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Lisa Marsh specializes in educating and supporting individuals and couples through the emotional and decision-making aspects of fertility and family-building.Through her business, Your Great Life, she helps restore balance and confidence to people in their quest to create a family, whether through childbirth, surrogacy, or adoption.  She provides client sessions and group workshops at the Stanmore Chiropractic Clinic, and coaches by telephone, internationally.  Lisa is also the Fertility Coach for Circle + Bloom; a U.S. based company that produces mind + body relaxation programs for conception. In her spare time, Lisa leads the North London Miscarriage Support Group and volunteers on the Helpline for the Miscarriage Association; a registered charity in England.

 

Lisa experienced 6 pregnancies, as well as secondary infertility and IVF during a 7-year period of trying to create her family; 4 of them ending in unexplained miscarriage and 2 naturally conceived and healthy births. An American living in London for 15 years, Lisa lives with her English husband Brian and their two children, Sophie and Pip, in a quaint 19^th century cottage just 35 minutes from the Queen’s London residence; Buckingham Palace.

 

Contact details: [email protected]  Tel from U.S.  011-44 208-954-2897

Website:  http://yourgreatlife.co.uk

Blog:  http://yourgreatlife.typepad.com

 

*This article originally appeared in part in my blog, Your Great Life, on 1/28/10.

Plan a Day With Your Girlfriend Brigade!

by Corey Whelan

The AFA has a strong commitment to infertility prevention.  Truth be told, we'd like to be so successful at teaching people about infertility prevention, there would no longer be a need for our organization to exist.  (When that happens, you will find the entire staff on a distant beach drinking pina coladas.  Ken promised.  Sigh...)

But seriously.  Conventional wisdom has it that now it is one in 6, not one in eight, couples who experience infertility in our country today.  A lot of this truthfully can't be avoided.  But so much of the heartbreak of infertility could be eliminated, it really could.  Women and men at all age levels, from teenagers on, need to hear the real truth about their biological clocks, diet and exercise modification to enhance fertility potential, environmental toxin prevention and sexually transmitted infection (STI) prevention.  We've worked hard to get those messages out there over the last two years but there is still so much more to do.

We've got to get into the trenches and reach more young women than ever before.  The good news is, the trenches tend to be wonderful, fun places.  By the way.  Do you happen to live in San Diego?

Good news if you do!  Or if you have a ton of frequent flyer miles and no where to go.  The AFA has teamed up with savvy, out of the box thinking Fertility SOURCE Companies.  The cool girls of FSC will be joining the cool girls (and boys) of The AFA at the Head to Toe Womens Expo in Del Mar.  This three day event is an extravaganza of all things Woman.  From their press release:

"Grab the girls!  Affectionately coined the Ultimate Day Out for Women, the Head to Toe Womens Expo returns to the Del Mar Fairgrounds on April 16, 17 and 18 -  (877-491-0677 for more info).  The Expo gives mothers, daughters, and girlfriends alike a chance to reconnect during a weekend of shopping, pampering, makeovers, inspirational speakers and more".

This year, learning about infertility prevention and family building including third party reproduction will be the more.

Booth 419 is where it's at.  Grab your BFF and go! 

New Beginnings...

 
by Merry Armentrout

I turned 30 this year. I've been dreading this birthday for the past 29 years, but decided to embrace the momentous day with gusto.  The planning started 6 months ago. My idea was to do something I've never done before to mark my 30th year, and I bravely announced to my husband (after a few glasses of wine, of course) the act had to challenge me, physically and mentally. I'm not talking about running a marathon or getting a tattoo, but something unusual, maybe even a little crazy.  The list included events such as hiking Kilimanjaro (keep in mind I've never even been camping), repelling of cliffs, white water rafting in dangerously strong currents or signing up for the Iron Man. 

I wish I could tell you I spend my 30th birthday at the peak of Mt. Kilimanjaro, but I would be lying.  I spent the day working. I did come home to a surprise party which actually made turning 30 quite fun, but I just couldn't shake the feeling of regret for not fulfilling my challenge to myself.

And then Brian got a new job. Did I mention it's in Washington DC? Suddenly there's a For Sale By Owner sign in my front yard (if you know anyone looking for real estate in Birmingham...), and we're relocating to a city I haven't visited since 4th grade.  Oh, and I need to find a new job because Ferring Pharmaceuticals doesn't have any openings in that area. Kilimanjaro is starting to look like a vacation...

But then I got a call from Brian's prior boss, Ken, offering me the position of Director of Communications for The American Fertility Association. I was thrilled, to say the least. So it seems I did do something I've never done before...

Thanks to all of you for the wonderful welcome to The AFA.  I'm thrilled to be in a position where I can once again utilize my background in journalism, coupled with the knowledge I gained in the fertility field as a Ferring Sales Representative for the past 3 years. I so look forward to helping this fantastic organization reach its full potential while working with an amazing team!

 

Why Internet Censorship in China is an American Issue

Are we fighting a new cold war?  If so, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton sounded the charge this week, by calling for an end to Internet censorship and naming governments that suppress the free flow of the people's information.   Most pointedly directed at China, these countries include Iran, Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Vietnam, Tunisia and Uzbekistan. 

The Chinese government immediately accused Ms. Clinton of jeopardizing relations between our two countries with her criticism of Chinese censorship.  Of course, this issue was brought to a head by Google's allegations that its computer network had been infiltrated by hackers based in China, who have targeted human rights activists.  The unsaid fear?  That these individuals will be rounded up, possibly jailed, possibly worse.  These concerns are not unfounded.  This past Thursday the Chinese government made its first official comments about a prominent human rights advocate who disappeared almost a year ago stating that "he is where he should be".

Contrast this with our ability in this country to Facebook each other endlessly, to twitter away, to blog about any subject we choose, including this one.

My co workers tease me all the time because I am a stats junkie.  I check the typepad stats page twenty thousand times a day to see where our traffic is coming from.  Today, much to my shock, I found out that The American Fertility Association blog has been translated into Chinese and has been on the internet there for some time.

My jaw dropped open, I wrote to my board of directors immediately and felt proud.  And then I thought, what if this freedom is taken away from those who apparently need it?  The freedom to simply read about family building.  To read the wise words of a Fred Licciardi or a Harry Fisch. 

Chinese censorship, global censorship, is our issue too.  If we are willing to live in a world without medical borders, and invite people here to utilize our medical system, and travel to other countries searching  for surrogates, this is our issue too.  As long as we are willing to travel to China to adopt little girls out of orphanages, this is our issue too.  How can we look into their faces and tell them we were unwilling to fight for the freedom of their birth families, left behind?  We are not just citizens of our country, we are citizens of our world.

And thanks to the unending, and hard won, freedoms that we as U.S. citizens enjoy, it is our job to fight for the freedoms of others.  The AFA blog is in China.  Let freedom ring.