by Maria Portella
Who is Lisa Faulkner you may ask? I certainly did. Having been out of the UK for many years, and even when I was there not a massive TV viewer, I had no idea who this popular television actress was.
Yet, someone pointed her out to me recently as an exemplary woman, who showed the 'other side' of infertility/subfertility - where medical treatment doesn't work and you have to think of something else. For some, this will be adoption and for others it will be a decision to lead a child-free life. Each is a completely valid life-choice, yet this 'side' is so under-represented in the press.
The press rarely reports the cases where medical treatment doesn't work because (a) people like to hear success stories, not sad ones; and (b) individuals are probably less willing to put themselves out there if they fear they will be viewed as a 'failure' - so it is wonderful news, when there is an occasional story like Lisa's, to help change public perception about what it means to be a family. We need more honest accounts like this one.
There is nothing but positive information in her story. In Lisa's case, she and her husband, actor Chris Coghill, opted to adopt a child and there are some wonderful points that jump out from her story:
- the path to motherhood can be via a different route - adoption;
- you are no less a 'woman' if you build your family via this route and you can hold your head up in public and say 'look at me!';
- how emotionally and financially draining medical treatment can sometimes be, for some, perhaps even cruel;
- that the adoption process is not easy and requires determination; it took the couple two years to be approved given the vigorous review process that must be undertaken by prospective parents;
- adoption can be so rewarding - Lisa and Chris have loved every minute of having their little girl Billie. Says Lisa, "Adopting is such an incredible thing to do. I really can't imagine what our lives would be like without Billie."
It also highlights what a difference having a supportive husband or partner will make. Chris spoke of his desire to adopt if medical treatment didn't work, was supportive and had a great sense of humor through it all. Lisa was very lucky and I am sure that made a massive difference. They were on the same page with respect to how they wanted to create their family unit and got through it together. Not every couple is so fortunate on this front, and it can create a whole new set of challenges to work through when you have already gone through so much.
So I would like to congratulate Lisa for her honesty and for being a real woman . She tells it to us like it was for her. She doesn't hide the fact that medical treatment doesn't always work. Even her miracle doctor, well known in London for his efforts on behalf of couple Rod Stewart and wife Penny Lancaster, was not able to acheive the same results for Lisa and Chris. But in the end that was okay, with mutual support for each other, the pair were able to create the family of their dreams via adoption.
Maria Portella is originally from the U.K. and now resides in the West Indies. Her special interest is promoting better education about fertility amongst working women. She reached out to The American Fertility Association because she wished to share her story.
Photo: Courtesy M. Portella
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