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I am 48 and one would think I would have given up by now. But I refuse to. I still get a monthly cycle but I miscarry regularly. So the positive side of all of this is at least I do get pregnant. There was a recent time when I could not do that. So far I've gone 5 weeks. That's pretty short but it felt great when it happened and then of course devastating when I lost it. I haven't tried IVF...but am thinking of it with donor eggs...I do not want to adopt at this point but we will see. There is absolutely nothing wrong with adoption, but I crave the actually experience of mother within me. It is a deep, almost desparate desire and I will not give up. You shouldn't either.

I think I would have to come down on the side of a person being "in" if they ever suffered from from infertility at any time. I kind of think about it like a disease that can be managed, but rarely cured, kind of a chronic thing. Anyone who wants a child and is not able to have one without assistance and who meets certain reasonable criteria of those who should expect to be able to do this, should be "in". That said, being a part of the infertility community once you have had a child is one thing, but all members are not the same for the very reasons you listed in your blog post above.

Anyone who has not been able to both achieve pregnancy and have that pregnancy result in a viably healthy child knows the same pain in the end. Yet, I would argue that there are uniquely hot circles of hell for those dealing with two different problems: women who can't conceive at all and women who can concieve but can't carry to term and have multiple miscarriages. Yes, you still belong to the community if you are experiencing secondary infertility or if you have had a child with assistance and want another one (also with assistance), but you simply are not in the same category of anguish and distress as these two groups of people. This is a GOOD thing, realize that though you do not have all you wish for, you have something where they have nothing and be grateful not to belong to that group anymore.

I went through 9 years of IF treatments, including 5 miscarriages. I now have three beautiful boys. Two through the miracle of adoption and 1 surprise pregnancy at the ripe old advance maternal age of 42. Although I almost lost him when I started dilating at 26 weeks. PCOS and IF are a huge part of who I am. While I am no longer TTC and I've actually been able to give bith to my son, I do still consider myself infertile. It would still take a huge amount of intervention for me to get pregnant again. I have a lot of support and advice to give to someone who is still trying and really appreciated teh advice of those who had "Been there, Done That" while I was trying. I still consider myself "IN".

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